New Day - Resigning from The Worship Studio

Gandhi  said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

I’ve experienced a lot of transition in the last year and my thoughts often have been about this little word “change,” which when it comes, can mean monumental shifts in your life. Over the past year, I’ve ended a 22 year marriage that had been dysfunctional for many years and in the process learned that I do not have to live with abuse in my life. Over this year, I’ve grown up and into a knowledge that even when love is present and people do the best they can, staying in an unhealthy situation is not acceptable. I’ve learned that loving God, others, and yourself well with sincerity is the only way to go.  “Change” is so often the key to open the door to a healthy balance of being able to love well - God, others, and yourself. 

I’ve been recently climbing waterfalls and mountains and centering close to the land and spending time with sincere friends and loving my children well. I’ve learned so much in those simple things. Nature keeps teaching me of the unchanging love of God and his ability to hold all things together, while yet, as I look at the constant transition of things like a fern unfolding in Spring, or Autumn leaves dying yet becoming brilliant, or witnessing the continual cycle of life as I watch a friend’s breath in conversation becoming a vapor that will become eventually a cloud, I’m understanding that change is always happening and there is a season for all things.

I’m writing to announce another more public change that is now coming into season with me. I’ve decided to resign as the Associate Director of The Worship Studio. I have loved working for the past 3 years with The Worship Studio, our team, and alongside Matt Tommey. Matt and I have been, in the past, great friends and ministry partners. We have enjoyed a certain ministry dynamic that has been creative and has actually blown us away at times because of the way the Lord showed up in our working together. We have also faced many hurdles about walking together in ministry, which we have spoken of and joked about with most of you who have been in connection with our ministry endeavors. A friend said to me as I was considering this decision to resign: “Friends are like iron sharpening iron. Sometimes the iron is as sharp as it can get.” Since I believe that ministry should come out of authentic relationships and it is the only way I know to have authentic ministry, it is impossible for me to walk with Matt at The Worship Studio any longer. 

From my estimation, Matt and I have both changed very much in the past year and our focus has become very different. During transitions and separations in ministry, I hate it when leaders sugar-coat things and play the political ministry game of  “spinning” out a false statement in order to make things look nice. Inauthenticity never benefits anyone, so that is something I will not do. I also hate it when people hurt one another and I’ve learned that in difficult transitions, kindness goes a long way. So with that said, I will simply say this... Matt and I are finding it difficult to continue walking together in ministry. There are things that I am not in agreement with concerning the direction of the ministry, so therefore I will not dishonor myself or disrespect others by presenting a dishonest view through our events, videos, classes, the Equipping Center, etc. so I am disengaging from all the Worship Studio structures. Though I feel confident in this decision that I need to be separate from The Worship Studio, I do believe in the vision and I bless Matt in that he has within him many gifts to give to the body of Christ. 

I will be continuing individually in ministry with the things that I have always been about. My Journeyartfully resources, the book, the blog and the creative life-coaching are all still very dear to my heart and will be something that will continue to develop. I will continue to be about encouraging and connecting with artists, providing helpful resources for the development of artists, encouraging authentic community, and ministering and speaking as well as hosting workshops and weekend gatherings, as I did individually before working with and while working with The Worship Studio. This transition will also give me more freedom to collaborate with other ministries in the areas of creativity and the arts, healing, Appalachian culture and being close to the land. 

In this oncoming season, I will be continuing to mentor the many artists I’m honored to walk with through my Journeyartfully Coaching. I’ll be writing and releasing some new books next year, including my Sacred Revolution book I’ve worked on for many years. I will also be blogging more and creating helpful videos and resources for artists in 2015. I will take a bit of a rest from public events and speaking for the rest of the winter and maybe into the Spring in order to spend an intentional focus with my children, close friends, smaller home ministry connections, painting, and writing. I’m putting no expectations upon myself and have no desire to replace a loss with something manufactured. As I try to always do, I will let the rhythm of what I offer as an artist, professionally and in ministry, unfold as it seems to make itself known. 

I've done a lot of soul searching to find my truest truth in this matter - asking God and myself questions about what is most authentic to the real me and what I need in my life. This is how I've realized I need the change. Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world. Leaving The Worship Studio is a huge sacrifice to me and a very difficult decision. It seemingly affects almost everything in my world. I'm believing though that the things I've created thus far that are the truest parts of me: my art, my Journeyartfully book, family and my sincere friendships and authentic areas of community - these are the things I value most and I want to be about them. This is the change I want to see in the world - that people would know their truest truth and live it even when it means sacrifice.  ”I taught this year at Gathering of Artisans about creatively flying by faith into your new day - that is what I believe we are to be doing in this season as artists, so that is what I am doing. I'm flying into a new day.

I recently climbed a very difficult trail up to a mountain that is so high it is above all the other Appalachian mountain ranges around it. I had to pace myself, stopping to take breaths, focusing on the ever-changing beauty as I would take deep breaths in and out, my legs burned with the push and I would have to stop and rest to wait for more energy to get into my lungs and my legs. As I kept moving, rhythm became very important - simply paying attention to what seemed “right.” I got to the top of that mountain - stood on a huge boulder with my arms stretched out, the wind blowing so strong that it literally felt like it could blow me over and I yelled to a friend as a joke, “I’m flying, Jack... I’m flying!” As I now think about that, I realize how life transitions are just like that... pace, rhythm and the hope of the exhilaration of reaching the top where you will fly (and see beautiful sunsets that connect you deeply with the very heart of God) are important.  

I welcome you to pray for me and my children, The Worship Studio and all of our team, and all of the artists that God is bringing into their destinies. We are all meant to fly! 

Perspective - Finding Beauty in the Plain Places

Lately, the Lord has been teaching me a lot about perspective. This morning as I walked by the river, I glanced down at this plain little decaying leaf and something about it intrigued me. I felt the Father's prompting to pick it up. It was very plain. As I walked on, holding the fragile leaf, I approached a little enclave with a park bench which sets nearly under the noisy bridge and the flowing river... what a juxtaposition. 

That bridge which is every morning cluttered with vehicles busily trying to get where they need to go carries me to my studio. I usually stop, darting out of the long line and pull into the park so I can have a few minutes of rest-searching for my day. Today rest found me as I was sitting on the bench studying the busy-ness of the bridge and the way the current flowed around the bridge columns. I could only think of how bland everything looked. It's a hot humid morning and the river smells bad and the traffic is noisy. I think about how we pollute our world and my heart longs for a mountain barely touched, a river rarely seen. I think about how it would be nice to vandalize the bridge columns and paint beautiful patterns there. My imagination runs wild with thoughts of how one... okay, of how I, may be able to paint the columns.... perhaps from a small boat or swinging from a tethered harness.... It would be some feat to bring beauty to the river under the bridge right here in the River Arts District of Asheville. I come back to reality and smile at my outlandish thoughts.... always thinking the impossible.... always seemingly caught up in the things that are too big to easily accomplish. 

I look down at my hands and ponder why I do this, and my eye is drawn to the leaf again... poor little ugly thing. I look closer. Why has this one found me this morning? I hold it up to the light and my perspective shifts. My spiritual eyes awaken. The yellow of the leaf comes into its radiance and the dance of light comes through the empty spaces of the decay. Beauty in the ugly. Radiance in the plain. Life in the death. I suppose it is all about our perspective. How we look at things... and whether we choose to search for the beauty. 

Birthing New Works - Sailing with His Wind

I began this morning with my walk by the river, watching the trees - no - the leaves sway over the ripples and the going-on currents. It was wonder... and I was sharing it with the Father. How good He is to give us beauty, awe, and wonder. How good He is to blow through this land... the land of my soul. I see and respond with a bowed heart... a quietness that sings loudly as an incense to Him.

A couple days ago, I was captured by an image of sail-ships on a vintage Horizon book. I've been processing the metaphor of sails and ships and wind for the past year. I've not created many things with my hands yet in the theme of sails, but many things I've painted and sculpted in my imagination. I saw a note recently in a friend's bible that said, "Miracles come from the imagination of God." I've pondered this intensely as I hold the imaginations of my heart, waiting for the birthing - the sailing. See, I want the very work of my hands to be miracles released - signs revealed, so there must be this holding of the holy within my God-embraced imagination until the delivery is evident. I've nurtured the development, and I'm feeling the revealing is near. 

I'm sensing to make cocoon-like shapes that appear to be like sails. This is a change for me - to shift to sculptural fiber forms rather than paintings... but I feel God's embrace with it for a season. I'm not sure what it will look like or how exactly it will feel. I've explored it all in minute ways in my paintings - a line here and a form there... but to purposefully process the sailing material in my hands - in the very fibers - is exciting to me. 

I've meandered through many changes over the past few months - being pulled by the updraft of God's will and blown slowly and swiftly with His myriad of breath blown into the the caverns of my being. I've taken in the hundreds of pieces He has given - the images,  the words, the songs, gifts of the minuteness of His creation. I've studied His wind. I've touched the veins of the leaves. I've watched them sail. The effect of the wind upon the waters and the land is ever-mesmerizing. Have you ever noticed how water moves? Have you seen the wind? I've felt the fibers that can hold the wind of the Spirit. I've painted the encapsulated forms of His Presence, I've sailed through the lines of His movement and touched the colors of Heaven. I've found the resting place in His Heart and He has found His resting place in me - in the very process of this creativity He has given. My sails are so full.

In the spirit of knowing that my creativity is never only my own and that God makes us all to breathe together, I keep my awareness turned to others.... turned to awe-inspiring creativity all around me. I've soaked in the rhythmic form of a vase and wondered what that movement felt like as clay under the hands. I have discovered the beauty of the dance of raku colors and the blackness produced by the charring and wondered how that hot process spoke to the potter over the fire. I've seen the delicate natural forms of trees that have taken a hundred years to produce the most intricate patterns that come alive under the lathe of a woodturner. I've watched as my friend weaves new patterns and finds a new basket design almost daily and it is confirmed that God's mercies and goodness are new every morning - and that He weaves His newness into our lives daily. Community and togetherness is so vital to our creative lives.

After the river this morning, I came to the studio and began my morning devotional - my place of connection to God's heart that readies my heart for expression. I read Oswald Chamber's Utmost about steadying my heart and awareness on Jesus - and that when we do that, then, He will be our all in all. I want His all in all of me - His breath in every cavern - every fiber of my sails filled with wonder.

Almost daily, I search for inspiration from another creative: a painter, fiber artist, dancer, writer, musician, dramatist... on and on.  It is in their sharing and my soaking in of their unique creative message that I continually stay fused with creativity that is outside myself.... that is the opposite of self-awareness. The celebration that comes into my heart when I see another artist effectively translating beauty and wonder gives rhythm to my sailing. It helps me to feel part of the fleet.

So this morning, I landed on the TED video by Janet Echelman: Taking Imagination Seriously. (Watch below.) In the video she shares about her process of creating billowing, building-size fiber sculptures that literally transform the atmosphere. I was so in awe as I watched her forms move into the rhythms such as I have painted. She truly had created the ever-transforming visual shapes of the wind. Actually, she had only created a form that could capture it and reflect the wind. Isn't that what we are to do. Capture the movement of God and reflect it? Her sculptures appear to carry the movement of God. They are transforming the stagnant caverns inside people. At the end of her video she shares how the business-like people of a nearby building left their work and laid under her sky-filling billow, watching the effects of the movement change and transform. Surely their spirits shifted with the movement. 

May we be observant. May we have keen eyes to see the wind in the sails. 

May the growing imaginations inside me find their birthing moment. As Jane Echleman says at the end of her video, may we forever be "sharing the rediscovery of wonder."

 

Breaking Into Joy... Circles

I've been a place of circles

swiftly round and round

and slower still than water

flowing

over

time...

Where do I go? What binds me, holds me, looses me?

I have not a clue

except that it is Christ and the fullness of Him

The completeness of Him

The embrace of His wholeness

This is the circles

I am the circles.

He is the circles

Oneness

"BREAKING INTO JOY"

by Pattie Ann Hale

"Breakthrough" ~ "Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. Christ-conquerors are safe from Devil-death." - Rev. 2:11 - The Message

Recently, I faced something so heart-wrenching that it dared to steal everything I had gained in the area of wholeness, completeness, confidence. The journey to a place of confidence that I was a captivating witness of God's love had been a hard one, but for a few years, I had lived it and loved it.

In a few short days, people in whom I had placed a lot of trust almost ripped that from me. Now let me say that I am not one to feel victimized by others... I don't give anyone that power, but the words, lies and shocking wounding jabs that were made towards me did knock me off-kilter. It was a direct assault on me… my character, my art, my vision, my ways… shall I go on? My Holy Spirit gave me much grace in the middle of it but it was like going through a train wreck and realizing how injured you are days later when the bruises appear and the ache sets in. I've dealt with many things but it seemed this was something that could strip me of my very faith, my very hope in the goodness of people and ultimately my faith in God.

God is my Everything.

So…. to lose my faith in God.... why? How?

I'm one that goes where God leads. I've picked up and moved to new cities more than once because I was following His leading. I go where He leads... try my best to do what He calls me to do. Facing the betrayal made me doubt that I even knew His leading. Wasn’t I in this place, in this season, with these people because of His leading? I was trying to do what He had called me to do... and that was all being thrown in my face - misunderstood and rejected.

I die daily… I will be one with the sufferings of Christ… Count it all joy when persecutions come… my spirit raced to deliver me.

Had I missed God?

Did I really even know Him?

Was the vision I had even real?

It’s strange how the enemy can attack us at the very core of who we are and that immediately causes us to wander if we know who God is.

I was stabbed to the core. I lost all vision. My words were, "I will not do another thing. I will stay to myself. Leave everyone alone. Walk my own path. And I will not listen any longer to what God leads me to do. I will be normal."

Then....

I painted circles.

I had watched a youtube video about the weaving of Rachel John (below). She knitted 1000 strands of beautiful yarn into a work of art. As I watched the video I could not get over the circles of the tops of the yarn skeens. The circles of colors pricked my heart in a way I could not understand... but yet, it set me into motion.

I painted on a birch panel, which is representative of renewal and great endurance. Birch trees are planted in areas that have been burnt to the ground because they so quickly will replenish and cover a destroyed area. I had been in this desolate place for only a little while but it was hell as I prayed and cried and processed; I searched my heart, searched my thoughts and ways, and grieved. I needed a quick replenishment of covering. I needed beauty... desperately.

My experience with the circles began with tears. The simplicity of the circles was welcoming. I did not need to think... just paint. As I moved through the simple painting... I felt joy rising. I began to sing in the Spirit. I began to dance... spinning around and then engaging with the board on the easel again and again... circles, more circles. I could feel I was in that place between the natural and the supernatural. I then entered into the heavenly realm... and it was PURE joy!

In His Presence is fullness of JOY!

Several days of hell had tormented me... but now I had engaged Heaven and I was undone and complete at the same time. Art has that power... it can transport us from one place to another - with lasting effects. Art heals. Art delivers. Art pushes out the darkness and ushers in the Light. I had met with God… and He reminded me of who I was… His beloved. That was all I needed. That was simplicity and joy.

After my first circles experience, I had a new resolve to love again, to forgive, to live fully, to have faith, to move forward. Walking it out is not the easiest thing, but when I look at my painting, I hear the song of Heaven and the joy arises again and I get a new strength in my steps. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

Everything is about seasons… we keep passing through seasons of change. Since I surrendered through simple creative expression, I’ve seen the Lord give me such a season of joy and rest. As a battle rages, I rest. I smile. I love… anyway.

M. Cunningham, in The Hours said, "You take a risk and move forward, and if hurt or disappointment come, you know that remaining positive and faith-filled will also keep your eyes clear enough to see the light, the goodness, and the blessing in the moments as they are redeemed. I am a trailblazer heading into unmapped country daily and there are seasons that change."

I’m a pioneer in the arts… one that provokes change… one that is a catalyst for the fresh expression of God’s heart…. one that will go where He leads… one that will endure the passing seasons with joy… nothing less than joy.

When you have joy… rest is easy. Striving evaporates. Sara Paddison said, “Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.”

To me, the circles are a glimpse of the beauty of Jesus. Circles speak of forward movement like Christ spoke of forward movement. Jesus completed all things. Circles are complete. There are many colors in my “Breaking Into Joy,” representing the myriad of colors found in the One True Joy – My Beloved. I am my Beloved’s and He is mine and I will lean on Him as I come out of the barren wilderness. My Redeemer is a good friend.

“Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer. May he become famous…” ~ Ruth 4:14

So this is the beginning of my experience with circles… there is more to come. :-)

‎

God Loves Creativity

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, "Sacred Revolution: The Power of God in the Arts."

We all know God loves prayer and fasting, healing, and praise and worship. He loves when we read His Word and when we give offerings. He loves the religious things, right? But do you know that God loves creativity? All our religious workings without the life-breath of creativity infused in them are worth nothing to God. Though the phrase is a bit cliché, he made us human-beings, not human-doings. He wants us to be – to be like Him – creative.

God loves creative worship. During the time of the Tabernacle of David, there were singers, dancers, songwriters, and musicians all collectively and continually weaving a non-ending beautiful tapestry of praise to the Creator. The rhythms and nuances of Spirit-touched, yet lung-producing sound belted out of the tabernacle in a flowing aroma which shifted atmosphere and went up as a sweet fragrance to the Creator of it all. He ordained this. He found pleasure in it. He loves creative flow. He loves the sweet aroma.

When Miriam danced her triumphant praise to Him, God loved it. It ushered in praise and jubilee for a multitude of people who had just been through a traumatizing trial. They had come out of bondage and into life. Nothing would express their gratitude like song and dance. They could not absolutely know their freedom until it was proclaimed from out of their chests and with the movement of their bodies. He loves the war dance of victory. He ordained it.

Creativity is a hospital and the door is always swinging open and shut, open and shut, as we go in and out accepting what we need from the Physician. When we accept that our lives are in need of something besides the normal sickness we live in day to day, and we step into a place of creativity, whether that is through song, dance, painting, writing, sculpting, cooking, woodworking, flower-arranging, or just playing an imaginary game with our kids – when we step into that place of God-breathed creativity – we are made whole. Wholeness comes when we lean into creativity – for in that leaning we are being embraced by the Creator. The door to the hospital is always open. What side of the door are you on?

Maybe you don’t believe in this power of creativity. Perhaps you are one that says, “I’m just not a creative person.” Those are the saddest words I’ve ever heard. Are you human? Then you are creative – for to be human is to be creative. There are no other ones. Maybe you think I’m a sensationalist dreamer – one of those who think everyone should be painting happy graffiti on the sides of boring buildings and singing in the grocery store. Well, let’s put that aside… because yes, I have those dreams for us all… BUT, I beg to convince you that creativity is so ingrained in humanity that if we are not moving in it, we are dying. If we are not embracing its beauty, we are forfeiting our reason to exist. Maybe you don’t see your own disease. Are you standing there behind the walls you’ve contrived, thinking the hospital door is locked? You need nothing to enter in… just your DNA – just your human form – the one created in His image.

Nothing is hidden from the All-Seeing-One. He knows the creative imaginations that you once had – the way you once played with toy cars in the sand, inventing a whole city so that your story could be played out. He remembers the way you dressed your dolls in strips of cloth, making a wedding dress out of a lacy bonnet. He recalls the way you would sit for hours playing video games, mesmerized by the way the characters moved on the screen. He even understands the rush you get every now and then when a casserole served in your prettiest dish makes you smile or the way the newly painted room soothes your soul. He “gets it” when you get a rush of accomplishment when you mow the yard in those cool strips that make you look like you are just trying to show up your neighbor. He thinks your awesome when you accomplish that weekend building project that you chalk up as “raising the equity in your home.” God loves your creative moments. They are His gifts to you. Your diving into them is His great pleasure.

Isn’t it wonderful that we have such an amazing creative God? Isn’t it beautiful that He has given us the very essence of Himself. He is the one that paints the sky every morning and evening. He is the one who swirls the waters of the rivers in beautiful patterns. He paints the world with color and texture. He sings through the wind in the trees and the song of His Creation. He sculpts with the elements. He dances with the stars in motion. God is an artist. God is a creative and a Creator. We all – all of humanity – are His little creatives. Go and be.

Pray creatively. Sing a new Spirit-song. Dance with Him. Fast in a way that pleases His heart. Open up and be healed while you finger-paint with chocolate pudding. Draw the scriptures. Stamp smiley faces on your money as you give it with a pure heart. Worship Him creatively in Spirit and truth. Invite God to be Himself in you. Be yourself in Him. Ask Him what will please His heart… and be that. Go and journeyartfully.

Art – A Child's Strength and Shield

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. 
– Psalm 28:7

Recently, I had the joy of seeing art provide a safe place for a child in a difficult situation. Art is like that - when held in the right respect, it becomes more than a thing - it becomes a place.

I sat there in a crowded negative place among people who seemed so different than me, yet, whom I was way too familiar with. I was realizing what a different person I had become in recent years. To put it plainly, I was uncomfortable, I wanted to leave and just get out of there.

Then....there he was, sitting beside me with his legs swinging back and forth and talking "a-mile-a-minute." If it were not for his wide-eyed wonder, I may have found a way to be distracted from his chattering. He went on and on but then spontaneously said, "So, you can draw like real-stuff. How do you do that? And then his hands went up, as if sculpting the air, and he said, "How do you make it look like it is coming off the page?" I answered him, something typical like, "Well, you just have to practice." Up he came out of his seat and through the screen door he went faster than I could think about what he was doing. I thought, "Well, there he goes, off to something else" but then as quickly as he left, he returned with a stack of paper, pencil, and some of his drawings he had been working on. He said, "Show me." A smile came across my face. This wiry bundle of randomness, typically viewed as a nuisance, or the "one to keep in line" was asking for an art lesson and was being diligent about getting just that.

We sat there for a long time, talking about how drawing was just a matter of seeing, how letting the pencil move under your fingers in connection with your eye causes freedom in drawing, and how capturing reality was a matter of being able to touch the object visually without literally touching it. He got it! As we talked and practiced drawing objects, I quickly saw that I could relate to this usually immature, even what others called "babyish", child on an amazingly mature level - which was more than I could say for most of the adults loafing around - the source of my previous discomfort. So as we talked and drew, I was astounded at the levels he passed through in his drawing in a matter of about 45 minutes. He went from very flat map-like drawing to being able to capture form and line, shadow and highlight, and realistic figure sketching. It was nearly genius - but this was not the most impressive thing about my encounter with him. There was something more gained.

At some point, while my new art protege and I were immersed in these empowering moments of learning a skill that many desire, but few pursue, one of the adults who typically kept this little boy "in-line" decided, for no other reason that I can think of except to be cruel, that he needed to be reminded of the nuisance that had defined him. So....she began by saying she was so surprised that he was sitting that still to learn anything. She indirectly shot off comments that he just thought he was "all that" because he could draw now. He ignored her. My praise towards him increased. She continued. He began to shrink - literally, tucking his shoulders in and ducking his head low. He managed a little insecure chuckle but continued drawing. So she brought out the big guns and said, "Ask him how he's been acting? You should see him when he gets so angry – he throws one more fit on us – scratching his own arms, and yellin', and crying like a little baby." I was just about to come to his defense and strongly explain to her that he probably acted that way because it was the only way he knew to deal with her verbal abuse, which was loudly on display in that very moment, BUT....

I looked at him and he was about to lose it...tears were welling up behind those eyes which had moments before been filled with wonder and confidence and he took about two deep breaths, tightened his shoulders, and he…

DREW.

And as her poisonous chattering seemed to fade off into a tunnel where it could never reach us in that moment or hopefully, in any other moments again....he drew, and drew, and drew.

As I watched his shoulders relax and his confidence stabilize, I knew that God had given him, through our simple art lesson, a very powerful tool to endure the poison of the enemy.

That's what art is about. It's more than art. It's about life.